I've always struggled a little with the whole Santa Claus situation. Here are the main pros and cons, as I see them.
PROS: *It's a way for parents to serve their children anonymously. I think that's a great lesson for me to keep learning.
*It adds to the magic of Christmas.
*Who doesn't like to talk about reindeer and elves and the North Pole?
CONS: *Eventually your kids will figure out that it's not true and that can be a crushing discovery.
*I feel like I'm perpetrating a lie when I build up the whole Santa side of Christmas.
*The Santa legend detracts from the true meaning of Christmas--celebrating the birth of Christ.
Is it just me or do the CONS completely outweigh the PROS here? Call me crazy, but that's what I think. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not anti-Santa. I just haven't taken an active role in spreading that story in our family. Trust me, the kids get enough of that from movies, school, and friends.
When we lived in Tucson, I had a born-again Christian friend who told me that she was going to tell her children that there was no Santa right from the beginning. (We both had babies at the time.) Her reasoning? "If I tell them there's a Santa and they find out that there's not, how are they going to believe me when I tell them that Jesus is real?" You know, I think there may be some merit to that line of thinking. Am I so far out there?
So, what did I do when faced with the big question from my own six-year-old son? I waffled.
B: "Mom, is Santa Claus real?"
Me: "Well, what do you think?"
B: "Yes!"
Me: "If that's what you think, that's what's important."
B: "Well, is he real or not?"
Me: "If you believe he's real, that's what matters."
AGH... Did I fail in my parental responsibilities? Is it just a normal part of being a kid to look forward to Santa's visit every year? Did I just crush that hope for Brandon? I didn't technically tell him that there is NO SANTA, but he's a very astute child and knows that I am generally very straight-forward in the answers I give to his questions. I have a feeling my beat-around-the-bush technique failed to inspire any confidence in Jolly Old Saint Nick. Could be an interesting Christmas Day around here.
9 comments:
Wait, are you saying that there is no Santa? You've been deceiving me for the past 10 yeasrs? What other bombs are you going to drop on me? Are you really a Lakers fan? Do you secretly eat big juicy steaks behind my back? Do you actually have naturally curly hair? I'm so perplexed. I think your "technically not a lie" approach was very effective. I din't see any spiritual harm or testimony damaging side effects of letting kids believe in Santa. If that ultimately undermines their faith then there are much bigger spiritual issues going on in their lives. going on than that.
Wow, that would be a hard question to answer on short notice. When I was...well, no need to say how old I was, but I was definitely in the minority of my friends that still believed in Santa. : ) Anyway, my mom took me for a walk and dropped the bomb about Santa and the Easter Bunny. Ouch. I am happy to say that even though I was really sad there was no Santa, I was never mad at my parents for pretending that there was for so many years. I still have incredible Santa memories and we will pass the tradition along to the little one on the way. : )
~Carrie
One suggestion, when Brandon does find out the truth about Santa, don't let him ruin it for Whit. My sister did that to me, and I was so mad! Especially since it came from her in a heated argument!
I know what you mean - I love the memories I have of waiting for Santa - listening for the reindeer on the roof, etc. But I feel like an idiot outright telling my kids Santa stuff. I still do - but we don't go all overboard about it.We actually have told our kids about the real St. Nicholas, and how Santa came to be and then tell them that the Santas you see now are just helpers, cause the real one died a long, long time ago. The "magical" part has come completely from stories and the media. That little issue was helped considerably by the fact that my kids have all been petrified of Santa until this year...every year we have to ask Santa to please drop off our presents on the front porch for Mom and Dad to bring in on Christmas morning. Kimball has always been creeped out about the idea of a strange fat man sneaking around our house at night, go figure:)I prefer the line of thinking that when the children discover the shocking truth, its that the PARENTS are really Santa, not that there isn't one at all:) The tangled web we weave, eh?:)
I've been thinking about this topic recently and am glad you bought it up, because I don't really want to foster the Santa stuff, either, but don't want to be a grinch. Emma's too young to know the difference yet, but I remember finding out from Eddie Vance, the neighbor boy across the street, that there was no Santa and I was CRUSHED! Like you, I think I'll let Emma get the Santa stuff from school and friends, etc., but I'm not going to make a big deal about him. But I don't know what I'll say when she asks me point blank...guess I have a few years to plan my answer.
Many years ago a little girl named Virgina asked her Dad that question. He said something to the effect that she had asked a very good question and that she should write a letter to the editor of the New York Times. He added, "If you read it in the New York Times, it must be true." So she wrote the letter.
The editor's answer appeared on the editorial page and has appeared in many papers almost yearly ever since. It's a good answer.
Google "Yes, Virginia" and see what you come up with.
PS
Wait until I get my hands on Eddie Vance !!!
Make that The New York Sun.
Anonymous II
I am torn about how much of the Santa myth to latch onto with my children, too. Growing up, my parents were TOTALLY into it - we left cookies out for Santa and my dad would eat them, and we even left a carrot out for Rudolph. My dad would make it look like a reindeer nawed on it. But it didn't destroy me when I found out my parents had brought the gift and ate the cookies, not Santa. The way my mom always put it, the spirit of Santa was real, and as long as we believed in the spirit of Santa, then he was still real to us. I'm happy to say that I still believe in the spirit of Santa for the reasons that you mentioned - I think that Santa brings out the best in us and prompts us to serve each other. Plus it keeps the child alive in us. I keep thinking that I'm just going to teach my children about the spirit of Santa and not that he is a real man that flys around the world in one night, but we'll see what happens when Shaelyn's big enough.
Great topic Andrea! I remember once when I was a grown-up and the mother of 3 children, my Uncle Harry gave me an earful about the pagean aspects of Christmas - right up to and including the Christmas tree! I was shocked that this line of reasoning even existed and dismissed him as a grinch, although now have matured to the point that I know the essence of what he was trying to tell me - but STILL. I had no qualms at all about Santa Clause being "real" when we were raising our kids - we left him cookies and milk and carrot for Rudolph too on the fireplace hearth - and I love cookies and milk followed by a chomp of carrot as a chaser so it was great fun to eat the spoils at 1:00 a.m. as Dennis and I finished putting the present under the tree. As a matter of fact, Christmas is magic, isn't it. When Angie was in kindergarten, she asked me the same question that Brandon asked you and I answered her with "No, he's not real" and have second-quessed myself as being harsh and uncaring ever since. But then she was in on the secret, and had fun playing along with the grown-ups in keeping the secret from the boys until they were old enough to figure it out (although it sounds like Andrew still needs to have a talk with Angie). Loved theis post and reading everyone's comments - it's a great debate with no clear answers - every family is different and you can't go wrong with whatever your traditions are where Santa is concerned! And now I'm going to go put on Amy Grant and start hauling up my Christmas decorations. Life is good........
Love to you all,
Grandma Sweat
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